The Mayonnaise Jar

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the coffee...
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

November 10, 2009

If I haven’t told you already today. Fuck You.
And I say that from the most honest place in my body, my heart. And that fuck you is not directed to anyone special, and doesn’t matter if you knew me your whole life or just meet me the other day.

I am in the same city of 6th sense makes sense (no pun intended) why I am walking around like you all ghost. Growth of the years has shown me not to be scared, when they get to close they think they can hurt; I tried to build a wall but I failed and it was knocked down. So now I am just sitting pretty behind my fence hoping that I don’t have any intruders within the next couple days. I came to Philadelphia for my mother and I want to make that clear if it was my choice some of you would of never met me. But regardless you did, it’s been a long stint without a note only because my mind has been too dark; but this morning an angel gave me a flashlight. Now I am looking through every aspect of my life like its spring-cleaning, all this shit can go.
15 minutes away is way too close; so as I look for someone to further my education I am smoking an L. Spazzing on whoever thinking they can take it; so listen when I say back up please give me some space. I am on the 8th level and your on the 3rd, how the fuck is your advice going to help me. I am going sit back and let you find someone who really knows me; so they can tell you the same but you wont ever find that person.

Tired of you girls hitting my phone; for sex. Just chill out, take a step back and look at our relationship if you hit me more than I hit you I think you already know whats up. I don’t want you to say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, the word is cold hearted; and I am just reflecting what I seen all my life.
You wanted a relationship and I gave it to you. Foolish me; I forgot who I have always been. So now I am thinking to myself this wont last more than a week, I can tell just by the way you went about today. I am not taking it personal and neither should you. Just know this is the mildest that it gets; I haven’t yet acted out. I took a walk home crossed my fingers I wouldn’t see anyone’s ugly face because I didn’t want to give anyone a hug, a handshake, or hello. None of you deserve my presences at all. I really hate people; and I am trying to figure out why I dislike all of you so much. Wait I got it; everyone has their hand out but no one is picking me up when I am down (excluding a few individuals).

I made my point.

Looking at a bowl of Ice Cream, I am pretty sure I asked for guilt on top. I just want to say sorry to everyone for November 10, 2009.

Queen

When I first seen her face, I had to give her respect only because she was with her man. Seen them both walking out the supermarket, she was holding all the bags and he was just smoking a black and mild happened to hop into a cab. Got on the phone and never looked back, she was posse to meet him at the house; but how was she going to do that. She had no cash, and then she was looking confused in the parking lot with no idea what she should do now. Both of her hands filled with plastic bags.

 

I got in my car, not even thinking about the world. I couldn’t get over her beauty; I couldn’t get over her struggling with those bags. Its was getting dark, not saying she couldn’t hold her own I just knew I would feel better about the situation if I would at least ask if she needed a ride.

 

So then I asked: “ Excuses me miss, I see you were having trouble with all your groceries, I was wondering if you wanted a ride?... If not I understand you don’t want to put your life in the hands of a stranger, but I am more than that.”

 

She was confused at first on my initial intentions, and what I had planned to do with her. She didn’t know if her body was going to end up on the 6 o’clock news, I cant blame her on the thought things happen. I don’t know if the shoe was on the other foot if I would of done the same thing. Regardless she got in my car, I got out and took those bags off her hands.

By time I dropped her off we had already exchanged numbers, from the begging I tried to show her what a real man is suppose to do. Did things that she wasn’t use to, caught her off guard; open doors for her, looked her in the eyes and told her I want to make her my Queen.

 

Things were moving fast, maybe too fast. Can’t complain on speed I rather am in the fast life than not moving at all. Two months later, she went from a regular visitor at my apartment to moving in. All because of a toothbrush, now I am glad it happened just wish it would of happened a little slower.

 

She brought more than her baggage when she moved in.

Tried to tell her she wouldn’t have to look back, but I guess she felt that it was all going downhill like the others. I tried to bring out the Queen in her, now her X is calling collect, from behind the wall. I am asking her, how he got the number; she got scared than I told her. “ I don’t know what you think this is, I am laid back and your known for getting pimped smacked” I was just trying to show what love really was but she was accustom of the life she had so I let her keep it.

 

When you make a girl leave her man, you never really know where she stand, how do you know she really yours. Someone can easily do the same to you. 

Fork in the Road

Young enough to still have dreams, about the things I want to do, and how I want to change the world. As I sit here, and watch my time run out, I am lost. Listening to everyone except myself, you would think the second quarter just started and I still had a chance to make a difference. But I am looking at the game, from the eyes of the losing coach in the fourth quarter and if I don’t switch up now; I never will. The way I smile you would think I never had a problem in life, but now I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, all you can do is push. But my arms been tired and the only thing that keeps me moving are the two things under my torso.

It’s funny how a year can change your entire outlook on life. I remember when I got that cherry letter in the mail, felt disrespected like the least thing they could of did was send it in a regular envelope. Either way my social life is at an all time high, all because of what Philly has done for me. I don’t know why I feel some type of way, when I look around I is not the only one with a plan; I am not the only one with my head on backwards focusing on the past. Thinking about the today and the day before, but never about tomorrow and the next day. Kicking it with my friends, I feel like they all saying if “life is going to pass me by at least I want to watch.” Am I posse to understand the world at the age of 20? I doubt it but I don’t think I have ten years to pass the class and finally understand the meaning of it.

 All this is a crossroad, but I might as well call it a fork in the road. I know I get a little emotional when my life is hanging in the balance, but what am I suppose to do. If I stand here, on the destroyed concrete that is to say I will ever walk away. They say Jersey roots and Global reach, but I been down this road before and it only got me to Philadelphia. Everyone says they see the potential, but I don’t know where it is going to take for me to reach success. When is this potential going to get me more than a Coke and a smile? I need more. Matter fact I am striving for more, I cant sit around and watch the next day pass me. I look at everything that has ever happened to me in this state of mind and it hasn’t got me far. A few tickets, a crazy ex girlfriend, and two handfuls of frienemies. Nothing changes in a year except my location and residency. I said 21, I should be away from this garbage but the smell of Jersey follows you across the Betsy Rose and the Benjamin Franklin. Either way I need to make a choice by next week, so I will keep you updated. 

Maybelline, Mac, Blistex; Lessons in Love

Prequel; So let me confess, about all the broken hearts I collected. I dealt with mostly every kind of women, so I am going to testify. They all seem to come in my life at the same time, three women all in different phase of their lives, all meet up with me when I was least focused on the job ahead of me. Didn’t believe in love until after all three walked out of my life.

 

Maybelline:

She was about 10 years older than me, to this day I don’t know how we meet, I just remember crossing paths. When we first hooked up, she knew she was older than by my maturity. For some reason I think she stuck around for that exact reason. She was almost 30; she was the oldest of all her brother and sisters, told me she was forced to grow up early. She understood I was young, at the time I had just got out of high school. What Maybelline and me shared, was more than a relationship. She played as my mentor; told me what to look for in a women; she knew we could never be together just because of our age. But you couldn’t tell me that, I was obsessed with her beauty and her knowledge. She had a hard life, she told me she had no chance to have children of her own; and that was the reason the man of her dreams had left. She was 30 years old, and could have a family of her own; I was depressed for her when she told me that. No need to front we shared more than a couple nights together, I loved her sexuality and she loved my energy. I was a student in love, and she was teaching me everything I needed to know about a young lady; how to treat them and what to give and what not. Still asking myself does age equate wisdom? The only time Maybelline felt young, is when she looked in my eyes. She set me down and told me if I was in her life she doesn’t know what she would be living for.

 

Mac:

Oh, Mac. Every night was a headache with her. All the arguing and bickering to this day I can’t tell you about what. I was a couple months older than her, should have knew I was going to have a problem with her when she told me she was a Leo. Makes since, she acted like she ran the show from day one. All she ever wanted to do was party and bullshit; she had balls telling me about all the dudes she bagged. I wasn’t impressed about her actions but by her confidence. She thought she was the best thing since slice bread, walking around the mall with her was the worst. She use to show out when I seen some girl I knew. She had a problem with any girl I was giving attention too, other than her. She made it know, I was lucky to be in presence. Every time we kicked I felt that she was covering something ugly inside, hiding the flaws but she made her so called “perfections” know to the public. When her and me finally over, I found out about the ugly truth. Mac was abused and raped by her step pops, not to say her actions reflected it; but she was chasing love from a man. I was trying to give it to her the whole time, but because of her past she seen all men as evil. I don’t blame her; I just wish her the best. We still keep in contact, she is known to go off on a tantrum, but that’s when I lose interest and stop trying to help her. Mac was nothing but a young lady that was faced to grow up early, not because she wanted to but because the world made her. A man hurt her before I ever was in the picture.

 

Blistex:

She was two years younger than me when first linked up. I just thought we were going to be friends, but this young lady had a little bit more in mind. She took her chance as soon as she had me alone. The whole time, I am asking her why don’t you talk t someone your own age. And every time, “none of those boys have anything for me”. If you meet her today she will tell you I was the first one to ever break her heart. I loved her, but I never told her I was in love with her. I left for college, and she couldn’t take it. First couples of weeks of school my entire phone calls were from her and my mother. She was a little bit more pressed than anyone else. I took her virginity, I was thinking in the moment and not for the future. She missed me and but I was too busy enjoying college and the life that comes with that. She stuck on me, and I am worried about everything that but her. By time Thanksgiving came around, she had cut my face out every picture and deletes my number from her phone. She said when she seen me driving she almost vomited in her mouth. Obliviously its my fault, I said the right things at the wrong time. Now she is all messed up in the game, thinking that niggas aint shit. But like I told her don’t take your feelings out on he next guy. I can only blame myself on why she looks at the world and love the way she does. I lead her on, as if it could just be her, knowing that she had no chance and me. Her silly crushed evolve into what she thought was love. And all I can say is sorry, no matter what I do you will never get your cherry back. 

Hydroplane

I remember last semester have this conversation with Malik. Knowing that my dream is only a reach away. At my crib discussing what it is going to be like when I get closer to my dreams.

 

 

I grow up a little early, so I was drinking patron at the age of 15. Fast forward five years I am surprised it took me so long to get a DUI. But regardless I am still driving, it takes a man to realize his a mistake the minute after he makes it. All I can remember is them putting the cuffs on me, and I am still screaming not guilty. Fast forward a little bit more I am cracking jokes with the police officer while I am behind the cell. I feel like an animal but my carsma was still seeking thru those bars.

In the mist of it all, friends threw themselves out the circle. I been down the same road, you lead someone to water but you cant force them to drink. So no matter how many times I want someone to do better they wont until they can see themselves doing it. At the end of the day, you cant help someone that cant help themselves. Matter fact you can show someone better, but that doesn’t mean they going follow you. Nothing in this world is worth stealing unless its Lauren London’s heart. And since she ran away with Wayne, and a young lady from the Bronx fell into my lap. I might else run with it. My friends know I will give them the last of what I have, but you wont take something that isn’t mine and that’s word.

 

Ta right by side me, happy that I finally gave up my “love affair” go. Last summer she told, it was time to move on. My ears listened but heart was to focused on her, she was too busy trying to change me, instead of trying to rearrange me So she messed up, at the beginning of the week she does want nothing to do with me. By Thursday she wants to talk about our problems over lunch. I don’t know why I even pick up the phone. My new girl claims she  not scared just don’t want to mess up history. Try to explain to her that no matter what she does its HISTORY.

 

Not to make any excuse, but I thought I was having a problem finding a main, only because I was young, talented, and black. A lot of young ladies are scared of that, rather be with the dude not do anything with his life. I try to show them, my mother raised me and showed me how to treat a young lady.

I go too many video idea, and not enough videos.

I just want my mom, to sit around a table with her friends and say “My baby’s a star, but I been knew that” I am going do it Mom, just because I put you through it.

 

So I am on the blog, if not I am in the city. In the studio, with Kelz never thought that someone younger than me would give my inspiration. Dude works hard and all I can do is respect that.

 

I asked shorty if she was going to ride for me, she said how am I going to do that when your tank stay on E. My heart is far from empty, yet its full with love but those who cross me and cross the people around me cant last. No matter what we been thru. You are forever going to be associated with the people you deal with. And I should of listen when your uncle said you aint shit. I refuse to run, I wish you the best. Without a doubt, but  day by day I am not doing anything but getting older, and you dong shit that my younger cousin no better.

 

I can talk about girls all day, but I got another note for that..

 

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